Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Catch of the Day Fridays

Brought to you by Big Bob’s Mystery Meat Barbecue, and Catch of the Day Fridays. Guess the catch of the day and win a free rack of ribs. This week’s hint: It’s dog.

Friday, August 15, 2014

Depression Defined


Depression is compounded sypathy for yourself.

It starts with feeling bad,
then feeling bad for yourself,
for feeling badly.

Saturday, August 2, 2014

Morning Vision

I got a big suprise

when I opened my eyes.

I didn't know

that they were closed.

Saturday, July 26, 2014

Food Preservation

Refrigerators are man-made creations, which keep food fresh by keeping it cold.

Animals are natural creations which keep food fresh by keeping it warm.

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Oh, That Silly Jesus

"The only way to Heaven is through me." he is reported to have said.

Is that like; "If you think you're going to Heaven, you'll have to go through me first!!" or; The only way you idiots are going to Heaven is OVER MY DEAD BODY!!".

Sounds like he may have been a bit unsettled.

Monday, July 7, 2014

Immorality of Immortality

The often posed question: What would you do with Immortality?

I thought about it. I suppose at some point I would tire of life, and unble to die myself, I would go on a killing spree. When that got old, I would realize that wasn't too cool, that life is precious, and begin to value humanity for it's fragility.

Knowing that at the onset, however, wouldn't stop it from all happening, because, you know, Immortality has a way of making people a little cookoo.

Friday, June 27, 2014

The Upside of Ebola

Ebola, there is an outbreak taking place in Africa right now. Nasty, nasty incurable disease, inspiration for Sreven King's The Stand, and has a 90% mortality rate.  Call me kookey, but I find the fact that 10% of those infected survive kind of encouraging. I guess that makes me a "Glass-half-full" kind of guy.

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Thought for the Day

Is it true you can blind-fold a one-eyed-pixie with a band-aid?

Thursday, June 19, 2014

Species Identity Disorder

This is tongue-in-cheek, with a lot of truth in it.:

Often, in my dreams, I run on four legs. I'll start by running up a hill, and begin using my hands, and thennext thing I know, I'm at the top and just keep going that way.

Or, I'm running, and it's just not fast enough. I leap forward, and start going on four-legs, and get the speed I need. It feels very natural, and happens very often.

I think I have species Identity disorder. Please call me Fido. The Species re-assignment Surgery is going to be a bitch!

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Super Power.

It's been a long running question in the minds of many people:

"If you could have a super-power, what would it be?"

I finally have my answer. I would like the power of having mosquitoes explode upon contact with my blood. Not a dynamite-level explosion, pop-rock level would be fine.

Saturday, May 31, 2014

Marketing Sucker

I was speaking with Raven (my Guru), about commercialism and marketing. It's odd that certain products, like hair-removal devices, are generally marketed toward women, but will offer a second version, usually in black or grey packaging, for men. It's the same product, does marketing like that really matter? Then Raven (my Guru) pointed out that I am no better. She claimed I'll buy just about anything if it is colored black, and had flames or skulls on it. Even something pointless I don't need, like a rubber duck. She when on, and said more words, or something, I'm not really sure what she was talking about or where she was going with any of it, but a black rubber duck with flames and skulls on it... that would be cool. I'd totally buy that.

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Too Many Choices

Kids today, with their "I'm male or female, or transsexual, or pansexual, asexual, etc." Too many choices. When I was that age, we knew there are only two choices: Suicide or Homicide. Everything else was bullshit.

Saturday, May 24, 2014

And the Dwarf Kept Tumbling Down...


I'm standing in the middle of a road, not a car in site.

My Wife tells me to get out of the road, or I could get hit by a car.

What car? There are no cars on this road. I turn toward one of the directions, gesturing "come and get me," daring any car to flatten me.

I feel something brush against the back of my legs. Turning quickly, there is a small, yellow, square shaped van. It's electric (no wonder I didn't hear it coming!) and it's small. Very small. Like two feet high and two feet wide. I think the driver is pissed at me, for almost causing an accident. The van stops, backs up quickly, slamming into the guard-rail. It pulls forward, then makes a u-turn and starts backing up again, very quickly. I suspect someone small wants to give me a big piece of their mind.

So angry they are, they don't notice a break in the guard-rail, and the mini-mini van tumbles down the side of a rocky cliff.

"Crap!" I say, this person could be hurt.

I begin a careful ascent down the cliff. The van, fortunately, stopped part-way down. I'm trying to get to it, when the door opens, and little man gets out. He's bald, and looks hurt.

"Hang on!" I tell him, I'm coming, I'll pull him up.

He stumbles, loses his balance, and falls further down the cliff, into a small chasm in the rocks. I'm climbing into the chasm, I can see him, he looks slightly more injured. I get closer to him, he loses his grip, falling further.

I go down even more cautiously. He loses his footing, and falls again. This time he hits the bottom, hard. That looks like it hurt! He appears to still be alive. I don't dare try to move him, in case he has a spinal injury or broken neck. No point in climbing all the way down there.

"I'll get help!" I yell to him. Climbing back up, I'll call 911 as soon as I get to the surface. I'm hoping he won't be still angry with me. It's not my fault he went off the cliff. and I climbed down trying to help in, even if I did laugh every time he fell further down, because it really looked quite comical.

Saturday, May 17, 2014

Mind Over Matter of Degrees

I finally have my Collage Degree.

The powers that be have granted me a B.S. in Theoretical Philosophy, in recognition of extensive work in the field. I hope to earn my Masters before too long.

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Does this look funny to you?

Just noticed the other day that I have a little spot on my lip. I figure it's either absolutely nothing, or lip cancer. If it is lip cancer, I'd probably need to get my lips removed. If I get my lips removed, I'd need to get some of those tooth-whitening strips, or else it might look funny.