This is tongue-in-cheek, with a lot of truth in it.:
Often, in my dreams, I run on four legs. I'll start by running up a hill, and begin using my hands, and thennext thing I know, I'm at the top and just keep going that way.
Or, I'm running, and it's just not fast enough. I leap forward, and start going on four-legs, and get the speed I need. It feels very natural, and happens very often.
I think I have species Identity disorder. Please call me Fido. The Species re-assignment Surgery is going to be a bitch!
Showing posts with label true stories. Show all posts
Showing posts with label true stories. Show all posts
Thursday, June 19, 2014
Friday, April 10, 2009
Raining Daddy Long-Legs
A true story from a Con I attended in 2007:
The room was stuffy. Theoretically, it must have had some type of air-flow system thus making it habitable to us air-breathing types, but this system was not in operation at this time. I decided to open a window.
The windows, however, were held shut by what looked like "jumper screens." I'm sure they weren't, I haven't heard of this place being known for it's suicide rate, but then again, maybe that just meant the screens work. Having worked in a hospital, I've actually installed such screens, and with the right tools, I know how to remaove them as well. These screens have very wide frames. (This peice of information will become shortly relevant, trust me.) Fortunately for me, I always carry a small tool kit. If I want to kill myself, damnit, no silly screen is going to stop me! However, such drastic measures were not called for, I just wanted some air...
I dismantled the holding mechanism keeping the screen in place, and then removed it. Success! I also saw that the entire bottom sill was PACKED with Daddy Long-Legs Spiders*. Scenes from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre do this description justice. They were all alive, and they all started moving...
This was my room for the weekend, these critters had to go! Now that the window was accessible, I opened it quickly, and one after the other grabbed each DLL by the leg and threw them out the woindow. Plink! Plink! Plink! Plink! ...and on until every single one of those horrid little M&Ms walking of hair-thin legs learned what gravity will do to their bodies when tossed from a 4th floor window...
After it was done, I was amused by the thought that there could well have been someone on the ground, under that window, being rained on by Daddy Long-Legs Spiders*.
*For the record, my wife has pointed out that what is typically recognized as a "Daddy Long-Legs Spider" is in fact not a true spider at all. True spiders have two body segments, these vermin have only one.
The room was stuffy. Theoretically, it must have had some type of air-flow system thus making it habitable to us air-breathing types, but this system was not in operation at this time. I decided to open a window.
The windows, however, were held shut by what looked like "jumper screens." I'm sure they weren't, I haven't heard of this place being known for it's suicide rate, but then again, maybe that just meant the screens work. Having worked in a hospital, I've actually installed such screens, and with the right tools, I know how to remaove them as well. These screens have very wide frames. (This peice of information will become shortly relevant, trust me.) Fortunately for me, I always carry a small tool kit. If I want to kill myself, damnit, no silly screen is going to stop me! However, such drastic measures were not called for, I just wanted some air...
I dismantled the holding mechanism keeping the screen in place, and then removed it. Success! I also saw that the entire bottom sill was PACKED with Daddy Long-Legs Spiders*. Scenes from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre do this description justice. They were all alive, and they all started moving...
This was my room for the weekend, these critters had to go! Now that the window was accessible, I opened it quickly, and one after the other grabbed each DLL by the leg and threw them out the woindow. Plink! Plink! Plink! Plink! ...and on until every single one of those horrid little M&Ms walking of hair-thin legs learned what gravity will do to their bodies when tossed from a 4th floor window...
After it was done, I was amused by the thought that there could well have been someone on the ground, under that window, being rained on by Daddy Long-Legs Spiders*.
*For the record, my wife has pointed out that what is typically recognized as a "Daddy Long-Legs Spider" is in fact not a true spider at all. True spiders have two body segments, these vermin have only one.
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